Thursday, February 27, 2014

Two hearts

I'd rather be poor & unknown with a big heart

than rich & famous with a cold heart

What's with this thing called "power"?

Lately, I've been watching a lot of law related programs on TV. Watched almost all the episodes in a couple of weeks. It's a program called 그것이 알고싶다. Well, its not really 100% law related but it deals with real situations that happened in Korea where most didn't receive justice or had to go through a lot of trouble to get it.
What I've notice is the faults in the Korean law. Now, there are still a lot that needs to be changed and made. The law needs to protect the weak, but I've seen a lot shit happen to innocent people. That made me overly mad. I don't know why but I just got really emotional. Maybe its normal to feel this way.
The thing that gets me the most was when the so called "rich and powerful" do something that goes against the law, the don't get the equal punishment they deserve. WHY? MONEY. POWER is everything. I'm so sick of rich/powerful people using their money and power to get whatever they want. Well, I would think everyone thinks this way. But what I don't get are the people who receive that DIRTY money. WHY HAS THE WORLD TURNED INTO SLAVES OF MONEY? Its just a piece of paper. You obviously don't need money to be happy, everyone knows that yet can't seem to get that in their head. Its mind boggling because its not a very hard concept.
That show I've been watching has given me both the good and the bad. The good was that it made me realize how I should live my life. Whatever I may be in the future, I must not become a slave to money and power. Never. Yes, you may need a certain amount of it to survive but don't sell yourself for it. Hard work will get you the same money, ya it might take more time and effort but isn't that what makes it an achievement? Don't you wanna be proud of what you've become in the future? Put your head up high and tell yourself you've just made the world a better place by living by the rules?
The bad, has to be that it has given me a negative aspect of the world itself. Definitely the world has its beautiful side but the dark side to me has been growing bigger while the bright side has been shrinking. Its something I wish to change. I'm a nobody right now. I've probably been wasting my life on useless crap and regret not doing something, anything to make the world just a tiny little better. So lately I've been thinking on what I can do. I've come to a conclusion. I need to grow. I need to become a better person. I need to keep learning. I need to keep reading. Studying. Questioning.
I need to have that "power".
Because only with that "power" I so hate, could I make a change in this world.
No one will listen to me. I have no power. What have I done so far? Nothing.
It's only when I become top of my game when people listen. I need to get there.
I know, it sounds so grand with words like the "world" "change" but I don't expect to get the nobel prize. What I mean here is that I just want to be somebody people will listen to and maybe show what I do as a somebody. Not becoming a slave to power. Just a simple say on current social situations. Fight for whats right. This may not be a big change but someone out there will have the courage to move forward because of that one say of someone with power.
Imagine a top actress saying her opinion on a current situation where she may fight for whats right rather than saying nothing. That alone can bring in people to be interested in a situation they never knew about. The media will cover the story. Its as simple as that.
I would like to end this with saying,
Never sell yourself for money and power. It definitely won't make you happy.
Fight for whats right. Grow. Become someone. Then people will listen.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Jet Lagged

Just some brain fart on possible lyrics

Time has passed and yet I feel jet lagged
What could do the trick
I've tried almost everything
Feels like I'm still there
That place, that moment
Time will heal they say
But it still feels like I'm still living in that moment
When I could sleep, eat, work,

Without you I'm a mess
I feel jet lagged.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Baby steps

I admit, I used to think that the world revolved around me. Used to think everything was about me,me,me. But truth is, nothing does revolve around me. Realized that even my own decisions don't revolve around me. I tend to think about what others would think of me if I did this, or that.
How could I have been so naive. I look at myself 2,3 years ago and think "wow what an annoying ,self centered, stupid kid". I sometimes look at the old myx audition video and think "Damn what a dumb ass". So I have no problem with people making fun of it cause it was stupid. Well I think I had good intentions but didn't really know how to perfect them. But don't get me wrong, I not once regretted that challenge. Ya it might be a joke now and I can totally laugh about it but that incident gave me some perspective of who I was and what I've become. So if I could go back I would not change a thing.
What's important is what I've made of that experience and who I have become now. Past is past. Now, if untill now I think of myself as someone great or feel to be in the center of attention,then we have a problem. I see people my age or older who still think everything is about them. Just want to say this,hope no one gets offended...

Calm yo tits and look here, I dont give a rats ass about your life. Does it look like I care about what you do at an everyday basis? NO. So stop assuming everything is about you. Cause its not

Ahhhh..Ok.. That felt good. This is in no way portraying to one individual. This is going out to ALL self obsessed brats. And if you feel like this is going out to you then take it like a man. Change for the better. Because no one is a saint. I probably am still self obsessed too but what I'm trying to get at is that I've become a little less of that than before. Baby steps. And you should take that step with me too.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Go explore

YOLO they say. You Only Live Once. Not a false statement but id rather people say "You only live this moment once". Well duh right? But think about it. You are at this very moment only at this very moment. You can only read this staus once at this exact moment. Read it 5mins after it still wont be that moment you spent 5mins ago. Why am I talking about this?
Traveling has made me realize how important this very sec of my life is. You are only the age you are for 365days or less depending on your bday. You can only see the empire state building and feel how you feel once. The next year or the day it won't be the EXACT same feeling or experience. Because you might encounter someone,something new. Or the weather might be different.
What im trying to say is,travel while you can. Because this moment in your life wont happen ever again. You will never know in 5,10 years what this experience can do in your life. It will definitely be for the better.
Traveling is like planting a tree. It will grow flowers,fruits,and more seeds to plant new ones. One by one and soon you will have a whole forest full of life experiences you cant ever buy.
Planning to buy a new car? Save up and go travel. Materials can be bought but experiences can't.

This is my story.

Im a strong independent woman. I've been through typical asian parents expecting me to get straight A's all throughout school. I've been through moving to a completely different country at a young age forced to adopt to the culture. I've been through the pressure to get into med school in one of the most educational competitive countries,S.Korea. I've been through the culture of hierarchy in Korean med school which was new to me because I've lived in the Philippines almost all my life. I've been though having to quit med school after 2yrs because I truly believed it wasn't the path for me through which my parents disowned me for a while. I've been through starting a new life in a city I knew no one, Manila.  I've been through people telling me I'm too fat to be a model. I've went to hundreds of auditions, all to be turned down. I've lived in a house with no furniture for more than a year because I didn't have money. All I had was a mattress and a box to put my clothes in. I've been through countless heart breaks. Guys who used me and just threw me away like I was nothing to them in the first place. I've been through break ups with friends I've known since elementary days just because of stupid misunderstandings. I've been through having to earn a living for myself in my early 20s. I've been through people calling me names and making up rumors of which I had to go through alone. Every night crying myself to sleep wanting to die at some point. I've been through days in the hospital without my family there to take care of me. I've been through Mo Twister. And because that says it all. I've been through having to decide to take a turn in my career to priortize  education before moving forward. Ive been through having to start from the bottom all over again when things just got easier. Now I can't wait to go through more hardships because that made me the woman I am today.